We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
