I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
