apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
