How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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