Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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