Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
