at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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