RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
