Someone shit on the floor
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
