I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
