I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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