I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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