I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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