wanna go halves on a baby?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you had me at cake vodka
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
