never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
