He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
