If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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