your parents love me but you hate me
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
