and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
