Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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