Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
