Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
