where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
