awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
