We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
