i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
