I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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