Betty ford says i'm here all night
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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