Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
They have beer where we have blood.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
