so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
