Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
