I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
