dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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