So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
