3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
