You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Alive.
So much puke
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
