Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
