Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
