We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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