im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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