i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Randomize
