I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
