how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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