I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize