Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
