No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
