I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
