I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
