i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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