And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
