the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
