So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
