So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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