i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Found the puke drawer
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
