would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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