Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He felt like a one man threesome
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
