there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize