my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
