YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
