You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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