we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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