It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
