I don't think brook has ever known best
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
