I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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