my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
