What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
