somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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