ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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