I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
